As I Am
by Hearts-speaking-words
Summary: Following in his footsteps, one step at a time.
1. Cold and Uncertain Inside

**Okay, this is the sequel to 'Hannah Starling' and 'Mischa Lecter'. And yes, it's suppose to be confusing and not make sense. All will be explained in the next chapter. Enjoy!**

**As I Am**

_Chapter 1: Cold and Uncertain Inside_

Mischa climbed out of the cab, the driver helped her get her bags and she stood at the edge of the driveway. She knew it would be a long drive way. She absently paid the driver and stared down it some more. She found her feet and convinced them to move forward. They guided her down the driveway. She walked into the front yard. Her hat that had been her fathers rested on her head, shielding her from the eyes of the cameras she knew were there. She looked down and approached the large French doors. She knocked once and waited. She heard motion and smelled the mixture of perfume and cologne and she knocked again.

The door open, her vision blurred and she collapsed.

Her eyes opened to see an elegant French painting over an elegant fireplace, she blinked a few times and tried to sit up.

But something held her down.

She looked over to see her mother stroking her hair, sitting on, surprisingly, the other side of a bed. Mischa blinked a few more times, "Mother?" she asked softly.

"That's right."

Mischa's hand shot up and the grip of another held it in place. Her head snapped to the side, "Masumi?"

Masumi let go, looking apologetic.

"Easy girl. Easy." Her mother coaxed again.

Mischa settled back down, "This isn't real." She muttered her hands going to her head, "This-This isn't real!" She started screaming and the door burst open.

"The side effect I warned you about." Explained the cool voice, "Do something to calm her. Get her to relax or else I'll have to sedate her."

Clarice grabbed Mischa's hand, she knew that she wouldn't believe they were real.

"Shh... Shh. Baby." She remember something from a long time ago, from Hannah's childhood.

It was one of Hannah's favorite songs, she hoped Mischa like it to.

"Laying alone with the history that made you Cold and Uncertain inside

Careful now, deep breath." She sang and Mischa seemed to listen, Mischa's screaming had subsided, her breathing was frantic, and her eyes wide.

"The water's still rising but your silver lining in sight

When you feel like your breaking down

And your, your body's just giving in

And you, you can't go on broken like this

Any longer.

Close your eyes

Don't you cry

Let the sorrow within you subside

Don't despair

Have no fear

Give your weight to me

When you hear

This lullaby."

Mischa slowly relaxed, tears continued to fall down her face as she stared at the man who had spoken earlier. She then looked to Masumi and her mother. She hadn't felt the needle slip into her arm, she realized what had happened when the darkness crept from the corners of her eyes and forced her into sleep.


	2. 2002884

**As I Am**

_Chapter 2: 2002884_

_623 bricks. 4 walls, one concrete floor, one bed, one desk, one chair, a small bathroom where the camera's couldn't see her. 1 tiny window where she couldn't see the world._

_That was her life now. Alone in these shoe box size rooms bathed in off white. Light blue scrubs basically. Uncomfortable, itchy, cloth pants and the same color shirt with her number instead of her name. 2002884. That was her name now._

_Well, she wasn't alone, really. Doctors would come in and out trying to get famous using her fathers or her own name. She's usually only 'Open her eyes long enough to make a single comment and make the doctor leave either extremely upset or extremely angry. But that didn't stop Enrico. Oh no. The criminal profiler came back again and again. _

_Never asking questions about her father or brother or the people she killed._

_But about her mother._

_It surprised her that he actually sat down on the other side of the glass, that made her swear never to put a fish in an aquarium again, and talk. About her mother, what she was reading or drawing. He rarely asked a single question about the people she killed or how she got her scars._

"_Mischa?"_

_She looked up from the tissue like paper she was drawing on, "Hello, Enrico."_

"_Hey, what are you working on?"_

"_Trying to remember what the path I used to run on looked like."_

"_It was a dirt path 2 miles from your house. Your entire family would go run on Mondays, Wednesdays and Saturdays. You'd go with your brother on Thursday and Masumi on Tuesdays and Sundays. There was overgrowth over the first part of the trail which made it hard to find to someone who didn't know where it was. It stretched for almost 15 miles and twisted through the woods constantly. There was a full family of deer every year. There was kudzu and poison ivy on either side of the trail and all the tree's were evergreens of some kind except for along one strip near the center where during fall it was gorgeous and during winter other teenagers would take each other down and try to scare each other to death."_

_Mischa cocked an eyebrow, "Okay, did I know you before this?"_

"_We went to school together. I lived 5 minutes from the trail and rode the same train you did every week."_

_Mischa sat back, "Really?"_

"_I was in your class every year, the teen that you bit was my cousin that was staying with us."_

"_Ha, Small world. Sorry I didn't pay attention to you back then, I think that maybe it would have been nice to know you outside these walls."_

"_Well maybe one day you'll know." _

_Mischa's lips grew into a smile before a large attentdant appeared behind Enrico, "Hannah, your psychiatrist is going to be here soon, we have to get you ready."_

_Mischa nodded, her face emotionless. _

_She looked at Enrico as he stood up to leave and he saw fear and something else flash through her eyes. Almost like she was pleading with him. _

_He looked confused but started to walk down the hall, "I see you tomorrow, alright Mischa?"_

_She nodded, "Tomorrow."_

_The attendant walked through the door and lifted her harshly with one arm and prepared her for her next visitor._

"Mischa! Mischa! Wake up."

Mischa's eyes snapped open, she was breathing hard and she sheets were twisted around her body in an impossible way.

"Are you alright?"

"Mom?"

"Hey... How are you feeling?"

"Mom?"

"Yes, baby. It's me. Are you alright?"

She nodded and pushed herself up, "Yeah... Bad Dream." she said as she tried to pull the covers over her.

"About the Asylum?"  
Mischa stopped moving and fell silent.

"You were there for almost 6 years. What happened? You're covered in bruises and scars, you're smaller than a twig, you look like you haven't seen the sun in those 6 years."

"I haven't, Mom. They kept me in that Godforsaken room for 6 years. A full 6 years and I was even half way done with my sentence. I'm never going back there. They called me crazy! Me, crazy! I'm more sane than half those doctors!"

"I know, kiddo. Why don't you get dressed and go outside with Masumi, there's someone I want you to meet."


	3. Scissors

**As I Am**

_Chapter 3: Scissors_

Mischa took a long and grateful shower. Her first with hot water in so long she couldn't remember. The searing water soothed her muscles but turned her skin slightly red. Almost 2 hours later she decided to get out. She wrapped herself in a towel and stepped out into the frigid air, compared to the suffocatingly hot air she had been breathing.

She quickly dried off and rubbed the towel over her shag like hair. She looked at herself in the mirror, her hair already mostly dry. It fell in choppy and slightly pointy ends all around her head. She sighed and closed her eyes.

"_Now Now, Hannah. I'm sure you know that haircuts don't hurt." The doctor said, resting the scissors against her cheek._

"_I don't want my hair cut!" she said as she tried to rip free of her straight jacket._

"_You do not have a choice." The woman that owned the hospital said, glaring at her. The woman had bland brown hair that was pulled into a bun so tight there was no way it was comfortable, neither were her shoes. The suit she wore was black, with the white doctors jacket over it. She look like she was constipated. _

_One of the attendants pulled her pony tail down while the doctor herself cut it off. _

_Mischa felt a tear roll down her cheek._

She raised a hand and wiped it away and shook her head. She walked into her room and changed into dark denim blue jeans, a black long sleeve shirt, a big red sweater and a black scarf. She pulled black boots on to her feet and red gloves onto her hands. She walked out of the room and down the stairs. She opened the door and walked outside.

"Mischa!" Clarice said smiling at her daughter and hugging her for the first time that Mischa could easily remember.

It startled her, but not a moment later her hugged her back with great force and as much strength that she could muster.

"I missed you." she whispered into the air, watching her breath turn white and float away.

"I missed you, too."

"Where's Daddy?"

"Over there with Masumi and your little brother."

"My what?" a snowball hit her shoulder and she jumped.

A little boy squealed with joy and turned to his father, "I got her." Hannibal laughed, "You did!" he said patting his shoulder as the boy began to make another. Hannibal looked up at Mischa who smiled.

"My littler brother, huh?"  
"He was born almost a year after you left."

"What's his name?" she asked, watching with a gentle look on her face as the boy hit Masumi with a snowball and was hit with one from behind.

"Matthew."

Mischa giggled a little, "Matty." she named him instantly.

"He already loves you to death."

"Oh really?"

"Yup, every night he asks for a story about his big sister."

"Does he know who I am yet?"

"Nope."

Mischa smiled and took a few steps off the porch and towards the boy.

He turned and smiled at her, "Hi!"

"Hello." she said as she knelt down to his level, You're Matthew right?"

"Yes, Ma'am."

She smiled, "Well, my name is Mischa." The boys eyes grew wide and a smile began to form across his face, "And I'm your big sister."

He dropped the snowball he was holding and wrapped his arms around her neck, holding on tightly.

He pulled back, his scarlet eyes bright and warm, "It's nice to meet you Sissy." he said smiling, "Wanna play with me?"

"Sure." she said happily, "Alright you see Daddy over there?" she whispered nodding slightly.

He turned around to look at him, then looked back, "Yeah." He whispered back.

"Let's get him."

Matthew nodded and continued to form his snowball. Once it was almost a perfect circle he handed it to Mischa with a smile.

She smiled back down at him and tossed it up and down a few times before putting it behind her back and walked up to her father, when she was a few feet away she spoke, "Hey Daddy!" she said happily, and when he turned two snowballs hit him in the chest.

She burst into laughter and so did her brother.

He walked over to her and as she turned to run he wrapped his arm around her stomach and lifted her off the ground, spinning her.

She laughed and squealed, so did her brother.

And in her world, the asylum was temporarily forgotten and everything was perfect.


	4. It's Not Cheating

**As I Am**

_Chapter 4: It's Not Cheating_

Hannibal stopped in the doorway to the lounge and watched silently. He looked over at Clarice who was reading a book, then looked down at his children. They were laying on the floor, facing each other. A scrabble board set up between them, Mischa looked up at him.

"Dinner ready?" she asked gently.

He nodded, "Whenever you are."  
She nodded, "Go on, we'll finish after dinner." she said reached over the board and messing up Matthew's hair playfully.

He nodded and jumped up grabbing Clarice's hand and dragging her out the door.

Hannibal watched Mischa moved over to the other side of the board and adjust Matthew's letters around, then add a few more. She smiled and stood up, walking over to her father. He gently grabbed her arm and pulled her back into the room.

"It's not cheating if I'm helping him." she said with a little smile on her face.

"That's not what I want to talk to you about."

"Well, what is it then?"

"Give them to me."

"Give what?"

"The pills you've been taking, give them to me."

"I haven't been taking..."

His glare silenced her, "Your pupils are dialated, you're still loosing weight and you will stare at an objects for hours unless someone distracts you. You haven't had an appetite and I saw you slip one last night at dinner. Now hand them over."

"Daddy, I'm not-"

"Hannah Nicole do not lie to me."

She was thrown off by the use of her full name, she paused for a moment and blinked. Her hand reached into her front pocket and pulled out 4 white and blue pills, "That's all I had left." she said looking down.

He sighed and closed his fist around them. She didn't dare look up at him, she barely dared to breath. He was disappointed in her, that much he didn't need to say. She chanced it and glanced up, his eyes were close and his head turned away.

"I'm not hungry. I'll be in my room." She hurried past him and rushed towards her room.

"What are they?" Clarice asked when she heard Mischa exit.

"Mind dulling drugs, they are given to people who hallucinate." he answered, "They're stronger than most people can get, if she had kept taking them she might have gotten brain damage."

"They're addicting aren't they?"

"Yes. They were probably given to her at the asylum, how she got them when she got out I don't know."

"What are we going to do?"

Hannibal was silent, "I don't know. There's a reason she's taking them."

"You think she's-"

"I know, lets go eat dinner."


	5. Come and Play With Me Now

**As I Am**

_Chapter 5: Come and Play With Me Now_

"She hasn't come out of her room since yesterday. Maybe you should go talk to her." Clarice suggested hesitantly over lunch. She had yet to see her daughter, and was starting to worry.

"What do you suggest I say?"

Clarice thought about it for a moment, "I don't know... Maybe you should just bring her lunch and remind her that we still care about her and we're still here for her."

Hannibal thought about it, stood from the table, grabbed the plate that had been set out for her and walked out of the room.

"Mischa..." there was no answer, so he knocked again, "Mischa."

He sighed and opened the door slowly, "Mischa?" he asked again before he stepped inside.

The bed looked like no one had slept in, or even been near it, for days. The room was in flawless condition, just like no one had lived there. He gently placed the plate down on a table next to the door, and silently shut it behind him.

He walked deeper into the room and noticed that one of the curtains wasn't in the right place. He walked closer and realized the curtain was shivering. He knelt down and uncovered the cause of the shivering curtains. Mischa's hands were held over her head, her knees drawn to her chest, her back arched over them, her eyes closed tightly with tears slowly creeping through. Their were self made hand prints on her arms, bruises forming on her neck and face, and lines from her nails carved into the floor and walls around her.

He gently reached out to touch her. He had been expecting it when she jumped back and screamed, pushing herself further into the corner. He held his hand in place for a moment, not daring to move. When she had adjusted and her rapid breathing had slowed a tad he inched his hand forward. His finger tips reached her face and she tensed up. His gentle touch stayed still until her body relaxed, he tested her relaxation by brushing the sweat soaked hair from her face. She didn't flinch. He slowly moved close enough to pick her up and carry her over to the bed. He quickly walked out of the room and returned with a needle and surenge.

He turned her arm over and slowly put the needle in, she knew not to fight him so she stayed still. Hannibal knew it wasn't that she knew not to fight him, she knew not to fight an Orderly. He sighed and stayed by her side until she was firmly sedated and motionless. He inspected her fingernails and the cuts across her exposed skin.

He left the room an hour and thirty minutes later.

"Will sissy come and play with me now?"

"No, Matthew. Sissy needs to take a nap."

"Speaking of which, so do you." Clarice said to the little boy, "Go get ready and I'll be up in a minute."

"Yes, Mommy."

"Well?"

"I think she's having hallucinations about the asylum, thinking she's back."

"Can you help her?"

"I'll see if talking with her will help, but I'm going to call Masumi and get her to find more of the pills she has been taking. I'll moniter the doses, but I can't see her like that again."

"How bad was it?"

He raised his hands to reveal his daughters blood, "She cut herself so deep on her leg I had to stitch it, and her fingernails are almost completely gone."

"My god." Clarice said covering her mouth, "What the hell did they do to her?"

He shook his head, "I don't know, but I'm going to find out and when I do they're going to pay."


	6. Really Go Insane

**As I Am**

_Chapter 6: Really Go Insane_

Mischa's eyes opened and she looked around the room slowly. She sat up and looked down at her hands, they were wrapped up to her wrist and were incredibly sore. She looked down at her leg that was no longer covered with her blankets and saw a thin line of stitches on the inside of her thigh. She shook her head, trying to remember. She glanced over as the door opened and quickly covered her legs back up.

"Sissy!"

"Hey Matty." she said as the boy rushed into the room.

"Daddy told me to tell you to uh..." he looked around the room, "Oh yeah! To take your medicine so you can play with me."

Mischa glanced over at her bedside table and saw 3 different pills, one of which was what he had taken from her yesterday. She knew why she was injured.

She reached over and tried to pick them up, "Matty, could you help me?" The boy bounced over and picked up the pills for her, handing them to her. She smiled and took them with the glass of water that Matthew also handed her. He took it back and put it on her bedside table and smiled.

"Why don't you go grab a book and I'll read it to you."

"Okay!" he said and rushed out of the room.

"When did he fall asleep?"

"Halfway through chapter 8." Mischa answered not looking away from the copy of 'The Outsiders' in her hands. Clarice walked in and gently took the book from her and sat down on the other side of the bed, wrapping an arm around her shoulder, "I'm sorry."

Mischa sighed and started playing with Matthew's hair, "It's not your fault, I turned myself in." she said slowly, concentrating on the movements her bandaged hands were making. Clarice stayed silent and tried to be comforting.

She glanced up to see her husband in the door way. She sat up and lifted Matthew up from his sisters lap. She kissed Mischa's forehead and walked out of the room, leaving them alone. Hannibal shut the door and pulled a chair next to her bed.

Her eyes started away from him, the corner of the room now a lot more interesting. They sat in silence for a few minutes, neither moving nor speaking. Her fingers moved slightly beneath the bandages as her cheeks turned slightly red.

"Thanks for... well you know... Thanks."

He was silent.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you about the pills."

"It's not the pills I'm worried about, it's why you were taking them."

"I keep thinking I'm back... Back there...." She took a deep breath, "Daddy... I don't know how much more of this I can take before I really do go insane."

He reached out and touched her wrist. She looked over at him, surprised, and smiled a little when their eyes met. Her smile fell when she began to speak.

"I'm not going back there... No matter what I have to do, I'm not going back."

He nodded slowly, "What did they do to you?"

"Aren't my scars enough to know?"

"I need you to tell me."

"They beat me... Yelled at me... Spit at me... Rarely fed me. Pumped me so full of drugs I didn't know up from down half the time... But when I wasn't like that... I remember some times when Hamal and Anthony came to see me."

"Anthony?"

"This guy... He's, he's a Profiler for the FBI. He was put on my case, and I caught on quick. We'd talk and I could sometimes help him with his cases."

Hannibal was silent as she continued to describe him, he watched the emotions cross her face. They were familiar, as was everything she was saying. "Go to sleep Mischa." he said once she had finished, a second later she yawned, "You need your rest." he stood and kissed her forehead.

He walked out of the room and passed by the room next door, Clarice was sitting in a chair rocking their son as he slept. He smiled and continued down the hallway.


	7. M

**As I Am**

_Chapter 7: M_

"_Mischa, someone's here to see you."_

_Mischa's eyes rose to look up between the copper colored bangs that fell in her face, they fell back down to the tissue paper she was drawing on when she saw who it was. She flipped her head to the side to get her bangs out of her eyes and continued what she was doing._

"_Hannah?"_

"_Special Agent Starling." she said curtly, glaring down at the paper, she snapped her eyes up, "How nice of you to visit." she said sarcastically as he sat down in the chair that was in the middle of the hall._

"_I came to talk about Dad... Off the record."_

"_Yes, because if it was on record you wouldn't be caught dead admitting that he's our father, now would you?" she said cocking her head to the side, the hatred clear in her eyes._

_Hamal remained calm, "What's he like?"_

_Mischa couldn't chance it, "Like any other parent."_

_Hamal waited for more._

"_He's strict, really good at playing the piano. He was teaching me... Why do you care?"_

"_He's my dad too. Do you really think I don't wanna know about my dad?"_

"_Sure seemed that way when you were choking me, or have you forgotten your attempted murder?"_

"_Hannah."_

"_That's not my name."_

"_It's on your birth certificate."_

"_Hannah died on the street with you."_

"_I didn't die."_

"_My brother did." _

"Mischa, wake up."

"Hm? What?" she asked slowly sitting up in her bed, rubbing her eyes.

"We're leaving, let's go."

"What? Why?"

"Get up and get dressed and start packing."

"Mom, what's going on?"

"Just do it, Mischa."

Mischa nodded and quickly got dressed. She shoved as many clothes as she could into her bag and hurried out of the room, "Good, help your brother." Clarice said as she walked out of the room, leaving Matthew with a shirt over his head.

Mischa put her bag down and walked over, helping him pull the shirt over the half-asleep boy, "Come on Matty, get your favorite things and put them in this bag okay?"

"Kay." he walked over to his play room, while Mischa packed his clothes.

Hannibal picked up their bags with ease and carried them to the car, Mischa scooped Matthew up off the couch he had gone to sleep on and carried him outside, gently putting him in the car seat. She climbed in after him and waited.

She had thrown on a black skirt and a white button up shirt. She leaned down and re-zipped the knee-high boots she wore on her feet. She leaned back again and used the rear view mirror to fix her hair that had grown to the bottom of her chin. Her father threw her a pair of sunglasses as the sun rose and the car pulled away. She slipped them on and cuddled up to the car seat closing her eyes.

_Mischa stood in her cell watching as attendants and doctors rushed down the hall towards the elevators. She could hear the under dosed patient screaming from there. She laughed a little as she walked back over to her bed, pulling out an attendants uniform. She walked over to her bathroom and changed quickly. Barney passed her room a second time and unlocked the cells on her floor long enough for her to slip out before they relocked. _

_She walked calmly down the hallway and stood in the elevator. She slipped in the thick green contacts and blinked a few times, she put a pink headband ,that had been hidden in the pocket of the uniform with the contacts, in her hair. Then made sure all of the clothes were in place. _

_She exited the elevator and rushed to the guard desk at the front, "Sir! Sir! Can you help us, please. There's a patient on the 4th floor who apparently got the wrong medicine or something, we're having a really hard time controlling him." The security guard nodded and ran off. She smirked and walked over to the lockers near by. She opened Barney's locker and slipped on a brown furry coat he had hanging, just for her. She put the headband back in the locker and replaced them with earmuffs that matched the jacket. She found gloves in the pocket of the jacket and slipped them on, covering the scar on her left hand. She walked back out to the front desk and wrote:_

_Ciao. -M_

_On a sticky note and stuck it to the monitors. She walked over to the door, turned, lifted her hand to the camera and waved once before turning back around and slipping through the door and to her freedom._


	8. I Do

**Wow, okay! I've got some really good news. I am so excited to tell you that 'Hannah Starling', the first story of the series, is being translated into German!!! I absolutly love this idea, and I am so excited that now even more people will read my writing and (Hopefully ^.~) enjoy the same story that you're reading. **

**Thank you so much to Violinchen; This is dedicated to you! 3**

**As I Am**

_Chapter 8: I Do._

Hamal rushed briskly into the training facility at Quantico. His copper red hair was cut short, but not as short as the other trainee's. His scarlet eyes scanned the hallway that was bustling with trainee's older than him that were still only in the beginning stages of their training. He smirk to himself and silently thanked his sister for being such a bitch and his mother for leaving her connections behind.

Jack Crawford welcomed him happily into his office, they shook hands and he sat down in the chair on the other side of the desk. Jack said that he'd be back in a moment and disappeared out the door. Hamal smirked and leaned back in his chair, laughing to himself at his luck, until he saw the picture behind Crawford's desk. He glared slightly and stood up crossing behind the desk.

The picture frame held a picture Hamal remembered burning a copy of. Clarice was holding Hannah basically upside down. They were both bursting with laughing and he could practically hear Hannah's squeels leaving her smiling and open mouth. The girls scarlet eyes that matched his were closed tightly as she laughed and screamed. He lifted the picture with clentched hands and looked at the girls wrist.

The bracelet sparkled in the sun.

The door to the office opened and Hamal turned, "Mr. Crawford, what's this?" Crawford looked at the picture, "It's a picture of your mother and your sister. Clarice gave it to me years ago." he said shrugging, "I don't have the heart to toss it."

Hamal glared, "I do."

"Hamal." Jack warned, glaring back at the boy, "You know I still care about them, even if you don't."

Hamal glared and squeezed the frame harder, when he heard a pop. He watched the frame stand for a moment before it fell.

He placed his hands in his pocket and turned, leaning on the wall, "So, what did you want to talk to me about?" he asked his head tilted slightly to the side as his voice took a cocky tone. Jack sighed and sat down in his chair, while Hamal took that time to move back to his chair.

"We may have found your sister." he said picking up a file and handing it to him, "I want you to get Anthony, go under cover, and check it out."

"Yes sir."

"Oh and Hamal."

"Yes?" Hamal turned back around from where he had started to walk out and caught the badge that flew towards him.

"Hope you don't mind the lack of ceremony, I didn't think you'd mind."

Hamal smirked.

"Agent Starling."

"Thanks, sir." he said as he walked out of the office and down the hall to find his best friend.

Anthony Peterson had been an active agent for the FBI for over 2 years and was about to turn 26. He had been one of Hamal's trainers, they had formed a quick friendship when he was placed on Mischa's case. The problem was, he had also formed a friendship with Mischa through their multiple interviews. He never told Hamal, never would. He knew that a mental breakdown was in Hamal's future, and he knew it would probably involve his sister.


	9. Worth The Trouble

**Okay, there is a snippit of my favorite book in this chapter.**

**That belongs to Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett, not me. **

**It is my favorite part of the stoy, and it fits this chapter perfectly. **

**Hope you enjoy!**

* * *

As I Am

_Chapter 9: Worth The Trouble_

"Now, where are we going this time?" Mischa asked as her father tugged her down the hallways of the airport. Clarice had taken Matthew elsewhere, they had seperated two airports ago. They were hoping place to place, and it as freaking Mischa out because she couldn't figure out why. She shook it off as her father pulled her over to the side, "I have something to tell you."

"Yes, sir?"

"Masumi's dead."

Mischa's jaw closed tight as she looked away from her father, reeling from the news, "How?" she managed to ask.

"I'm not sure, I think... I think Hamal has something to do with it."

This time she couldn't manage to say anything.

"For some reason they're catching up, I don't know how or why. But they are. Everywhere we're going they show up right before we leave. I've been doing all I can to keep you from seeing him, but he's getting close. So if you do see him, just trust that you look nothing like your old self and stay away from him. If he confronts you, start speaking in a different language."

She nodded, still not looking at him, "Yes sir."

"Come on, we've got a plane to catch."

They had finally come to a rest back where they started. Mischa sat comfortably outside a coffee shop that was located in a small town in Italy. She smiled and took a deep breath before opening her green eyes again, cursing the contacts that itched her eyes. Though the sight before her made her forget about them.

Her brother was at the end of the street, walking towards her.

There was no emotion on her face as he approached, she controlled her heart rate and breathing as she continued to sip her coffee. She almost did a double take when she saw Anthony a few feet behind him. She took a deep breath and laid her money on the table. She grabbed her purse and promptly walked down the street, pulling her sunglasses over her eyes. Her father would kill her if he saw her, but he wasn't here at the moment. She was walking straight towards them, some things she just couldn't resist.

It was a lovely summer day, Anthony thought as he followed Hamal down the streets of the town whose name he had forgotten. He sighed and looked down the road to see a lovely blond girl walking towards them. Something about her seemed familiar, but he couldn't place it.

She had long golden blond hair that fell down to her elbows. She had bangs that fell over the tops of her sunglasses. Her lips had a slight smile on them as she grew closer. She wasn't quiet as tall as him, maybe as tall as Hamal. She wore a simple blue sun dress and a white sweater over the top, she had brown sandals on her feet that matched her bag.

He nodded slightly to her and she nodded back, he had fallen slightly behind Hamal as he had watched her, he slowed his pace even more as she grew closer until he was standing still, "Anthony." she whispered as she passed before continuing down the street towards a forest path.

He took a deep breath as it came to him, "Hey, Hamal?"

"What?" Hamal asked turning around, waiting for Anthony to catch up.

"There's something in the air out here, I can't take it anymore. I'm going back to the house, call me if you find something."

"Alright."

Hamal said shrugging and continuing on his path, glancing back as Anthony hurried down the street back the way they had come.

He shook his head and tried to decide where he should sit and wait.

"Mischa."

She stopped walking, but didn't turn, "It's Liliya now, Anthony."

"That's Russian isn't it?"  
"Yes." she answered turning around to face him and taking her sunglasses off, "I see you have the pleasure of working with Special Agent Starling." she said sarcastically.

He shrugged, "You look a lot better than you did back at the asylum."

"Fresh air, food, and sun can do that to you." she said smiling, "Do forgive me, I did not get a chance to say goodbye."

"I don't believe that there's such a thing as goodbye, at least for us."

"Why's that?" she asked cocking her head to the side.

"Because, there's no way I'd let you walk away. I don't want to play the game of cat and mouse, but if that's the only way I ever get to see you again. Then so be it."

She cocked her eyebrow, "I do suggest you don't get to close to Hamal," she said as she put her sunglasses back on, "We don't intend on leaving, this time he'll be the one who runs." she said as she turned to walk away, "And if he doesn't, then he won't be around much longer."

"Mischa."

"Liliya."

"No." he said as he walked forward, so he was just behind her but not touching her, "You're name is Mischa. It always has been, always will be." She could feel the heat radiating off his body and she was resisting the urge to lean back into him, "I'd choose you over your brother any day." he said as he ghosted his hand over her arm, "I don't care what you've done, who you are, or what your bloody name is to everyone else. You're Mischa to me," she realized he was whispering, "Just like I'm Anthony to you, and not Special Agent Anthony Tucker." He was now so close to her ear she was amazed he was touching her anywhere, "You don't want to run away from me, you want me to run with you." She turned her head slightly to face him a little, "You wouldn't run with a girl like me."

"I do a lot more than run with a woman like you." he said as his hand met hers and he laced their fingers together with his hand resting over hers, "All you have to do is ask." he almost hissed in her ear before he pulled back to walk away.

She didn't let go of his hand.

Instead she pulled him back to her, "Show me." she whispered letting her hand rest on his chest. He smirked and leaned down, letting their lips meet before he shoved her back into a near by tree.

"_I was thinking-"_

"_Don't hurt yourself." Mischa chuckled as she continued to sketch on the piece of paper._

_He smiled, "I was thinking that I have been visiting you for almost 4 months, and I barely know anything about you."_

"_What do you want to know?" she asked as she glanced up, then back at her paper._

"_That your natural hair color?"_

"_Is this going to be in a report?"_

"_No, off the record."_

"_Yes, this is my natural hair color."_

"_What's your favorite book?"_

"_Good Omens, Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman."_

"_Never heard of it."_

"_Not many people have, next question."_

"_Have you ever had a boyfriend?"_

"_Once... I killed him." _

"_What was his name?"_

"_Enrico." _

"_The first person you killed?"_

"_No, that was his sister." _

"_Ah, so it's safe to assume your still a virgin?"_

_She looked up at him, though her eyes her laughing her face was serious, "That's a bit personal."_

"_Is it true?"_

"_Yes." she said blushing a little and looking down at her paper._

"_What was Enrico like?"_

_She shrugged, "Like any other lying asshole. Can you change the subject off my love life?"  
"Fine, what are you drawing?"_

"_You'll see in a minute."_

"_What's your favorite part of Good Omens?"_

_She smiled, "Parental retribution was now a certainty, thought Adam, as he bolted, his dog by his side, his pockets stuffed with stolen fruit. It always was. But it wouldn't be till this evening. And this evening was a long way off. He threw the apple core back in the general direction of his pursuer, and he reached into his pocket for another. He couldn't see why people made such a fuss about people eating their silly old fruit anyway, but like would be a lot less fun if they didn't. And there was never an apple, in Adam's opinion, that wasn't worth the trouble you got into for eating it." _

"_Hm." His cell phone buzzed and he picked it up, checking the message, "I've got to go." _

"_Wait, what do you think?" she asked as she picked up the piece of paper and held it up._

_He smiled and nodded, "Pretty accurate." he said before turning and walking down the hallway._

_It was a picture of him, sitting in a tree eating an apple, over looking the trail she used to run. In the distance he could see three figures running, but frozen in place. Also in the distance, was a car and a group of deer running by. _


	10. Our

**As I Am**

_Chapter 10: Our_

Mischa gently opened the door and closed it with a click. She winced at the sound and quietly slipped the sandals off her feet, she gently lifted them off the floor and quietly hurried up the stairs. She prayed to whoever would listen that she wouldn't run into her father or mother. She looked a mess, and she hadn't come up with an excuse to why.

"Liliya." she winced and turned around.

"Hello, Mother."

"Why is there a twig in your hair?"

"I fell on the way back." she quickly lied, reaching up to pull the twig out.

"Uh huh. You might want to go take a shower and change before your father gets home."

"Why?"

"Because he's going to kill whoever you've been with all afternoon, now go before I decide to do the same thing."

Her eyes were wide, but she nodded and ran up the stairs to her room. Shutting the door and locking it, quickly jumping into the shower. When she was done she exited her room and glanced cautiously around the corners, before walking down the hallway and down the stairs. She walked towards the kitchen but quickly turned around to walk the other way when she saw her father through the crack in the doorway.

"Liliya."

She spun back around and walked through the door, "Hi Daddy." she said happily as she jumped onto the counter, "So, what's for dinner?" He glanced over at her, "You know better than to ask." She rolled her eyes when he looked away. "Now get off the counter."

"Spoil Sport." she said as she slid off the counter and walked over to the table, kissing her brother on the top of his head, "Whatcha working on?"

"Math."

"I'll be outside." she said as her mother laughed, watching her make her escape out the kitchen door and onto the porch that encircled the house.

She sat down on the steps and stayed there, staring up at the sky until it had darkened and the fireflies had begun to dance across the yard. She heard the door open and little feet hurry over to her, her brother sat down next to her, staring at her intently.

"Yes?"

"There's a man here."

She looked over at him.

"He looks like you."

She took a deep breath and stood up, "Come on, Viktor." she said taking his hand and standing up.

She walked inside, still holding her brothers hand and into the foyer. She took a deep breath when she saw Hamal standing in the door way, talking calmly to their, her, father. She walked forward, "Daddy?" she asked, making sure her voice had the Russian accent.

"Come here Liliya, I would like you to meet our new neighbors."

She took the remaining steps and shook her brothers hand with a smile, "Hello."

"Your English is incredible."

"Thank you. I went to an American boarding school as a child." she said smiling at him, "I'm sorry I didn't catch your name."

"Hamal Starling."

"Nice to meet you, Mr. Starling." she said happily, she turned towards Anthony, "And you are?"  
"Anthony Tucker." Anthony said holding out his hand.

She shook it, "It's a pleasure to meet you."

"Would you like to come in, we were about to start dinner."

"Sure why not?"

"Liliya, go set the table please."

"Yes, sir." she said as she turned and nodded at her mother who was carrying Viktor up the stairs to get him ready for dinner.

She set the table quickly and walked over to the stairs to take her brother. She knelt in front of him and straightened the white button up shirt he wore tucked into his black pants. "You look pretty sissy." he said pushing a piece of loose hair behind her ear. She smiled and kissed his nose, "Thank you, you don't look too bad yourself." she said as she quickly tied his black dress shoes and shooed him towards the dining room. She glanced herself over in the mirror, she quickly tightened her ponytail and made sure all her hair was straight. Then looked down at the purple dress she wore over her frame. It was a lovely shade that went perfectly with her skin tone. It had thick straps over her shoulder, and a modest neck line, though was low enough to show a little cleavage. It fell to her knees and had a high waist, where a silver sash was tied around, matching the silver heels she wore.

She walked into the kitchen and helped her father bring the food into the dining room. She took her seat next to her brother, and her mother who would sit at the end of the table across from her father. Anthony sat down across from her, and Hamal sat across from Viktor.

It was a simple dinner, with pleasant stories and gentle conversations. They laughed and smiled, though Mischa caught the glances Hamal was giving her, which she sent right back. She heard the ice in his words, that her parents seemed to miss. After dinner they all retired to the back porch for wine and to watch Viktor run around the yard trying to catch the fireflies.

At one point Hamal sat down on the steps next to Mischa, they were silent until he spoke. "What happened to the scar on your hand?" he asked quietly. She wasn't sure anyone else had heard. She glanced at him, "What scar?" she asked taking a sip from her glass.

"The one that matches mine. Don't play dumb, I know it's you Hannah."

"I don't know what your talking about."

"So what's his real name?" Hamal asked nodding towards her little brother.

She took a deep breath, "Matthew." she whispered, "Please, if you're going to arrest me don't do it in front of him."

"You think I'm going to arrest you? My dear sister, that's the last thing I want to do."

She looked over at him, raising an eyebrow.

"I'm much rather kill you." he hissed, his facial expression happy and true, "And _our _family."

She suddenly felt sick to her stomach.


	11. Would You Feel It?

**As I Am**

_Chapter 11: Would You Feel It?_

Mischa's breath was shallow and everything was spinning. She looked away from Hamal and towards the trees behind their yard. Her mouth was open as she tried to catch her breath and there was no color in her face.

"Sissy? Are you okay?" her little brother asked as he stood in front of her.

She looked up into the little boys eyes, and knew what she had to do. She smiled helplessly, "I'm kine, kiddo." She looked over at Hannibal and nodded slowly, letting him know she needed to be alone.

He nodded once, "Go get ready for bed, Viktor." he said and the boy turned and nodded, "Yes sir," then turned to Mischa, "Read me a story?"

"If you're still awake when I come upstairs, I will."

"Okay." he said before he kissed her cheek and hurried inside.

Hamal watched as the kid disappeared into the kitchen. He looked straight into Mischa's eyes and she looked back at him and smiled a little, "Wanna go for a walk?" she asked nicely before standing up. His eyes narrowed a bit, "Sure."

"Anthony, was it?"  
Anthony nodded.

"Want to join us?" she asked tilting her head to the side.

"Of course."

She smiled and walked over to Hannibal, "45 minutes. If you're late, we're going to come looking for you." he said as she quietly passed her his blade.

She nodded and walked in front of the boys and down the forest path. She walked without a word until they could no longer see the house, and were a good bit away from the original path. She turned on them then, and smirked to see their guns drawn.

"Oh come on. You've got to be joking. You're not going to kill me that quick are you?" she asked, her voice way too confidant for a girl who had two guns pointed at her.

"Put your hands where we can see them."

"I'd rather not."

"Mischa, please, we don't want to shoot you."

"Speak for yourself, Anthony." Mischa said, looking at her brother. "Your partners finger is itching to pull that trigger, isn't that right?"  
Hamal's teeth clenched against each other.

"I wonder, Hamal, if you shot me... Would you feel it?"

"Let's find out." Hamal said as he cocked his gun.

Mischa smiled.

"Hamal, Stand down."

"Anthony, I'd suggest you stay out of this."

"Mischa, you know I can't do that."

She turned and looked at him, "Then choose which side you're gonna be on." she said as she took a step towards Hamal.

The back door opened and closed a few moments later. Hannibal glanced at the clock, 45 minutes right down to the second. He closed his book and placed it on the table beside him. He stood and walked into the kitchen, surprised at what he saw.

Mischa was sitting on the counter, while Anthony was gently dabbing a wet cloth against her head. She was looking at him with concerned eyes, "Are you alright?" Anthony kept dabbing the cloth against her head until she reached up and took his hand, "Anthony, are you alright?"

He looked at her, "Yes... And that's what scares me."

She smiled and gently and touched the side of his face, "Hamal was... worse than myself and my father put together. He was the definition of monster. He tried to kill me when I told him I had killed people, he wouldn't have hesitated to pull that trigger on you for standing in his way, if I hadn't stopped him."

He sighed, "I know."

"You're free to go whenever you want." she said nodding a little.

He chuckled a little, "Return to my desk, or stay here... yeah. Right."

"The FBI will come looking for you."

He shook his head, "I sent in my resignation before we left, the FBI could care less about me."

"Did Hamal know?"

"That I wasn't an agent anymore? No."

"Why?"

"I wanted to find you." he said smiling, "I was waiting until I did, then I really wasn't sure what I was going to do."

She smiled and hugged him, "They'll come looking for him."

He shrugged when they pulled back, "Let them. It'll be months before they figure out we were here."

Mischa shook her head, "You've been telling them the wrong places, haven't you?"

"Of course we have, Hamal wanted to kill you. He didn't want to bring you back, his plan was to come back empty handed and be placed on another case."

"Sounds just like him."

Anthony nodded, "How'd you know I'd choose you?"

She smiled and took her contacts out before looked at him with her real eyes, "You told me earlier." she said before she kissed him gently.

Clarice chuckled silently as Hannibal shut the door to the kitchen with a smile, "What?" he asked smiling at her.

"Like Father like Daughter." Clarice said gently.

Hannibal nodded, "Thank Goodness." Clarice laughed before they kissed.


	12. She Can Handle Herself

**As I Am**

_Chapter 12: She Can Handle Herself_

"Where's my bag?"

"Which one?" Anthony asked chuckling a little.

"The black one, with the M on it."

"I don't know."

Mischa sighed, "Matthew." she mumbled as she walked back into the house and up the stairs, "Alright, Matty. Where's my bag?"

"I don't know." he said innocently.

"Matthew." she said, putting her hands on her hips, in a voice that could have mimicked their mothers.

"I don't want you to go." he said looking down sadly.

Mischa smiled and knelt in front of him, "Matty, I'll be a few hours away by car. You'll see me all the time."

"But you're not gonna be here anymore."

"Are you kidding?" she asked reaching out and tickling him, "You think Daddy's gonna let me be away for very long?"

Matthew laughed, "No. But I heard them talking and they said that it'll be down the road and then you'll move farther away."

"Now, that's not true. And even if it was, we'd still see each other all the time. I'd call you, and everything. Alright? I'll see you tomorrow for breakfast. Now, where's my bag?"

Matthew sighed and walked over to his bed pulling the very obvious lump out from under his blankets, "Thank you." she said kissing his forehead.

"I love you sissy."

"I love you too, Bro." she said messing up his hair before she hurried back out to the car, "Bye Mommy."

"Bye, sweetheart." Clarice kissed her cheek gently before walked over to Matthew who was standing at the door.

"Bye Daddy."

"Goodbye Mischa, tomorrow morning."

"Bright and early." she said smiling, "Bye guys." she said as she quickly got into the car and laughed as Anthony punching the gas.

Hannibal stood in the driveway until the black car disappeared down the driveway and he could no longer hear the sound of the car, or smell his daughters perfume. He closed his eyes and walked back inside, the house seemed quiet.

But she would be back in the morning.

"Seems like a long time doesn't it?" Clarice asked from the doorway to his study.

"Hm?" he said looking up from his desk, and directly at her.

"Morning." she said walking into the room, "Seems like a long time." she repeated.

"Yes. It does."

"She'll be fine, you know." she said as she leaned on the edge of his desk, right next to him.

"I know, my dear. He will watch her, just like we would." He said as their hands gently laced togther.

"She doesn't need to be watched, love. She's your daughter, she can handle herself."

"She's our daughter, Clarice. And she's all grown up."

Clarice shook her head, "She still needs her Dad."

"What makes you think that?"  
"Your cell phone's on right?" she said as she stood up and moved behind him.

"Of course."

Clarice nodded and kissed his cheek, "You'll see." she said before walking off.

It was 1:30 AM when the phone rang, Hannibal smiled when he saw it was Mischa.

"Hello, Mischa."

He heard her smile and sigh in relief, "Hi, Daddy."

"Is everything alright?" he voice was masked with mild concern, what was held underneath that mask she couldn't tell.

"Hm? Oh yeah, it's fine. Every thing's great, I just... Miss you, I guess."

"We miss you too, Mischa."

She laughed a little, "I feel like a little girl... I can't sleep."

He smiled, "The new house-"

"Making weird noises, yeah." she said completing his sentence, laughing a little, "Are you near a window?"

"Yes." he said tuning his chair to look out the window and at the clear sky that hung above them.

"What stars are in the sky?" she asked, her head resting against her window as she stared up at the sky.

He started naming them, all of the constellations he could see, some of them she could see too, some of them she couldn't.

When there had been a few she couldn't see she took a deep breath, "I feel so far away."

"I know, Mischa."

She yawned, then laughed a little, "Sorry."

"It's alright, You should go to bed and so should I."

"Yes, sir."

"Goodnight, Mischa."

"Night Daddy. See you tomorrow." she hung up the phone and sighed looking up at one of their common stars, "I love you, Daddy." she mumbled before she crawled out of the window seat and walked back to bed.


	13. Glowing

**As I Am**

_Chapter 13: Glowing_

"Daddy! Daddy!" Mischa yelled as she ran through the house.

"In the backyard, darling!" Clarice called from her study, not looking up from her book.

She heard the door swing open and laughed as it slammed shut. She turned her chair and looked out the window in time to see Mischa tackle her father in a flying leap. He stumbled a little as he gained his balance with the 22 year old on his back. She was placed back on the ground and he turned to see her left hand shoved in his face. He held his head back and looked at her hand.

The look on his face was pure comedy.

Clarice laughed out loud as Mischa beamed and nodded at her little brother before she was tacked to the ground. Clarice nodded and walked out into the hallway and towards the door, "So I suppose that meant she said yes?"

Anthony turned, slightly startled, "Oh, Yes Ma'am." he said with a nod.

"Loosen up." she said elbowing him playfully.

"Ma'am?" Anthony asked looking at her.

"I'm going to be your Mother-In-Law, Anthony. You're gonna have to loosen up eventually." she said with a smile before she caught Mischa in a tight hug.

Mischa laughed and pulled back, tears in her eyes, "Mommy! I'm getting married!" she said giggling as she held up her left hand, showcasing the rock on her finger. "Wow." Clarice said looking from the ring to her daughter, "You're getting married."

"I'm getting married." Mischa said before she jumped up into Anthony's arms for a tight arm.

"Come on, Matthew. I'll teach you how to play football the right way." Anthony said, one arm wrapped possessively around Mischa's waist, the other messing up the boys hair.

Mischa laughed as she was lifted off the floor and carried out of the house and to the back yard where they started playing rough with each other. Clarice and Hannibal sat down in the chairs at the table and watched, Matthew had gotten the ball and was lifted off the ground by his sister and spun around playfully, both laughing.

"She's glowing." Hannibal stated, his hand finding Clarice's.

"They both are, it all seems so simple."

Hannibal nodded, "Hopefully it will be. No one's looking for us, who knows maybe Mischa and you will finally have a quiet life."

"If we do, you will to." she said with a smile.

He nodded, "What an Old Man deserves."

Clarice chuckled a little, "Thinking about retirement, dear?"

"Retirement? Clarice, my daughter's getting married. Soon I'll have grandchildren, plus Matthew. There's no such thing as retirement."

Clarice laughed as their children played in the yard.

Maybe she hadn't given up her family, after all.


	14. Go Figure

**As I Am**

_Chapter 14: Go Figure_

The wedding would have been called small back in her home town. But in this small town it was lavish and one of the biggest celebrations of the year. Everyone in town was invited to the small white church just off of the main road. The church was decorated with the prettiest flowers she had ever seen. Petals already decorated the aisle, seeing that there was no flower girl. Just a sharply dressed ring bearer with scarlet red eyes.

Mischa turned in the mirror and examined the dress that covered her body. She cast her eyes at her shoulder at the scar that had brought her here. The dress did not cover it, nor did her hair. It was something she wasn't ashamed of, she wanted it there. She didn't want to fear it any more.

Her dress was pure white, with straps that fell wide on her shoulders. It had a train behind it and the dress was decorated with silver thread that created wonderful designs. Her hair was pulled up into an elegant French twist with a few pieces hanging in her face, she flashed a smile as the door opened.

Hannibal smiled at her, "You look beautiful."

She nodded a little, "I feel beautiful."

"It's time to go."

"I know." she said as she picked up the blue and white mixture of flowers she was using for her bouquet.

She took his offered arm and exited her dressing room. The wedding went off without a hitch, so did the reception. Clarice, of course, cried, so did Mischa. There were dances and laughs and like every couple they were relieved when it was over.

"Thanks Daddy." she said as she reached up and took the steaming mug from his hands.

She sat curled in a chair in front of the fire, her hair fall in curls over her shoulders and partially pulled back. She wore gray sweatpants and a long sleeve navy blue shirt. Her slippers sat on the floor next to the chair. Anthony was laying in front of the fireplace with Matthew asleep on his chest. Hannibal sat opposite Mischa in a chair and watched her as she watched Anthony with loving eyes.

"When do you two leave?"

"Tomorrow morning, we have to be at the airport by 4 I think." she said gently taking a sip from her mug, "We'll be back in two weeks."

"Hm, think you'll make it that long without your mother or me there?"

She laughed a little, "I'll have my cell phone and I'll probably call you every day, are you sure you can make it without me?"  
"We'll be fine." he said with a chuckle.

"Can you believe it? I'm married." she said twisting the rings around her finger, she chuckled, "Go figure."

Hannibal smiled and shook his head before staring into the fire, both of them retreating to their memories.


	15. Thank You For Everything

**^^ I am extremely proud of this chapter. It's a dedication to everyone who has read this story, and the two people who have helped me and inspired me the most. **

**Nicole: Thank you so much for everything, you've been there since the first version of this which I reread and almost cried it was so terrible. I can't believe how far you've help me come and I know I wouldn't have done this with out you.**

**And Katie: You're reviews have been so encouraging and I love how you actually make me reread some of my chapters to make me go 'oh, yeah... You're right.' You've been such an inspiration and I want to that you for everything. I really hope you like this chapter.**

**You guys may be wondering why I'm doing all my thank yous now. It's because this is the last chapter before the end. There will be 2 more chapters, because if there wasn't you'd all hate me. But the last chapter will be the Epilogue and not a real chapter. So I hope you enjoyed the story and I hope you continue to read things I write because I am far from done.**

* * *

**As I Am**

_Chapter 15: Thank You For Everything_

"Daddy! What about this one?" she called, waving him over.

Hannibal turned and walked towards her, he looked the fruit over and shook his head, "Let's keep looking." They had been at the Farmers market for over two hours. Mischa was sometimes annoyed at how picky her father was, but when the thought crossed her mind her heart usually reminded her it was also one of the reasons she loved him so much. She linked her arm with his and walked beside him, the basket hung over her arm.

She was wearing simple jeans and one of Anthony's old t-shirts. It was navy blue and was much too big for her. She had pulled the elastic out of her hair and tied the back of her shirt so it would fit her a bit better. Her sandals clicked as she walked beside him, her scarlet eyes hidden under the baseball cap she had stolen from her little brother.

Hannibal was wearing black slacks and a white shirt, a pair of sunglasses covered his eyes. Mischa had looked through his closet before, wondering if he had anything that was what she considered comfortable. She had found one t-shirt. One.

"There's something on your mind."

"Not really." she said looking up at him with a smile.

"Mischa, I know you better than that."

She laughed a little, "Well you _are _my dad."

"Is something wrong?" he asked as he looked at another stand.

"No, not particularly."

"Is your stomach still upset?"

"How did you-"

"I'm a doctor, love. It's what I do."

"Did, Daddy. You haven't worked at a doctors office for years." she said as she again linked their arms together, "There is something, though."

"What is it then?"

"Well..."

"Mischa, Darling, just tell me." he said gently as they stopped walking.

She sighed and looked him in the eyes, or at the reflection of herself in his sunglasses, "I'm pregnant." she said quietly.

"Congradulations, when did you find out?"

"A week ago. You're not upset?" she asked as they kept walking.

"Only a little bit, and that's because you waited a week to tell me."

"I haven't even told Anthony yet."

"You'll be due about... March, right?"

She nodded, "Sometime around there, yeah."

"You'll have to tell him before that."

She giggled a little, "I know. How did Mom tell you?"

"She wrote me a letter."

"A letter?"

"I still have, if you want to read it."

She nodded, "That'd be nice."

---

"Ah, here it is." he said as he opened up another book.

"Oh, yeah that's not obvious." she said as she looked at the book, "Poems by William Blake, why didn't you look there 5 minutes ago?"

"I'm old, dear, my memory is not what it used to be."

"You're not old, Daddy. And your memory is fine." she said as she gently leaned down and kissed his head, she took the letter from the book and stood back up, she leaned back on the desk as she opened the letter and hesitantly read the letter.

_Dr. Lecter,_

_Obviously, I received your last letter. I do hope this one finds you because it carries a lot of information I'd rather you hear from me. I don't know if I ever told you before but I enjoy reading your letters. I always have, even that first one you sent me. _

_I'm leaving the FBI. But surprisingly that's not the big news. I know you're probably smirking at the paper now as you read this. It's what you've always wanted of me, isn't it. To realize it's just a bunch of morons who don't have a clue what they're doing? But that's not really the reason I am leaving._

_I don't know how to tell you this part, but I know I have to tell you. I want to tell you, but against I don't know how... So I guess I'll just say it. I'm pregnant. I'm pregnant with twins and I'm due in October. I'm pretty sure you've figured out why I'm telling you this, they're yours. I'm not asking anything of you, I just knew you'd want to know from me rather than the headline of next months paper. _

_I'm overjoyed that I'm pregnant, I'll finally get the family I wanted. But I'm scared about doing it on my own, like every other single mother I'm sure. But, I think, what scares me the most is that I'm happier at the fact that they're yours than I am the fact that I'm pregnant. I can't explain why, but I am. Maybe it's the fact that you've understood me and expected more from me than anyone else, even myself. Maybe it's the fact that every other guy on earth seems like scum compared to you. Maybe it's because I'm head over heels in love with you and it took me until just now to figure it out._

_Again, I'm not asking anything of you. All I want is for you to know, and for you to know that we'll be okay. They'll be loved if not anything else. I'm thinking of moving, but I don't know where. Maybe Baltimore, it'll be far enough away from here I think and I know there are schools up there I wouldn't mind them attending. They'll be smart, like you, I know. I probably won't move until after they are born, I'll need Ardelia's help for a while._

_I hope you get this letter, and I hope it finds you well. I'll be here for a while, 9 months at least. So if you need to get in touch with me, you'll know how to find me. You always have in the past, at least. Thank you, by the way, for everything._

_With Love,_

_Clarice._

Mischa looked over at him, with tears in her eyes. He smiled and nodded, "It was the first letter I ever received from your mother, and it's my favorite." Mischa nodded and looked over it again, "I can see why... What's this?" she asked as she turned the second piece of paper over to find a small envelope. She gently opened it and pulled out the first picture that was ever taken of Hamal and her. She laughed a little.

"That's also one of my favorite pictures."

Mischa smiled, "What happened after you got the letter?"

"I called her. I pulled some strings and attained her phone number. Needless to say she was surprised, but we talked almost every night. Then, October found me looking at houses and schools in Baltimore. I got a hotel room the 20th and waited."

"The day before we were born?"  
"It was actually a week before your due date, and I hadn't heard from your mother an a few days so I assumed it was getting closer. I received word that she had given birth the 21st, I went to the hospital that night and saw you for the first time."

"You went to the hospital?" she asked, her eyes wide.

He nodded, "Well I wasn't going to pass up a chance to see you. You were much prettier than your brother."

"Well duh."

"You had me wrapped around your finger from that moment on," She smiled and took his hand, "I could have sworn you smiled at me, too. After she came home, I was silently watching. Then a week after you were born-"

"He showed up on the doorstep with the keys to the house you grew up in and a cell phone."

Hannibal nodded, "Indeed, I did."

"Hi Mom." Mischa said smiling at her mother.

"Hi, sweetie. Now, why are we talking about this?"

Mischa looked at her father and smiled, then looked back at her mother, "How do you feel about Grandchildren?"

---

The 9 months flew by and before they knew it they were at the hospital, and Mischa had given birth to a beautiful baby girl with scarlet eyes and a patch of blond hair on the top of her head. Mischa was relaxing against the pillow, having sent Anthony out for food, with her newborn cooing in her arms. The door gently opened and she looked up.

"Hi Daddy." she said glowing brighter than the day she had told him she was engaged.

"Hello Mischa, how is she?"

"Wonderful. She just ate, want to see her?"

He nodded and walked inside, shutting the door behind her.

"Where's Mom?"

"Picking Matthew up from school, they'll be here shortly."

"You just couldn't resist, could you?"

He smiled and gently took the baby from her, it cooed a bit as she looked up at him, he smiled at her.

"She's got your eyes." He said as he held her close and securly.

"I belive they were yours first."

He nodded a little, "My mothers before that. She looks like you, though."

Mischa laughed a little, "Hey, you're wrapped around my finger remember, don't make me jealous of my own daughter."

He laughed, "She could never take your place, No one could."

Mischa smiled and nodded, "Wait until she smiles at you, you better tell me that again when she smiles."

"I will, dear. What's her full name?" he asked smiling at his Granddaughter as she drifted to sleep in his arms, she reminded him so much of Mischa when she was still a baby.

"Katie Nicole."

He smiled, "It's a beautiful name."

"Beautiful name, for a beautiful girl. And very loved."

"Indeed." he said as he watched the newborn sleep, with her hand wrapped around his finger.


	16. He Had Never

**As I Am**

Chapter 16: He Had Never

A loud bang jolted Mischa from her slumber. She jumped out of bed, and towards the door, it flew open and Anthony pushed her back inside. She stumbled and shook her head a little.

"What is it, what's going on?"

"The FBI." he said as he locked the door.

"Mommy?"

"Katie" Mischa said as she turned and dropped to her knees in front of her, wrapping the 3 year old in a blanket, "Listen to me, darling. No matter what you hear, or what happens know that Mommy and Grandpa love you more than anything else okay?"

"I love you too, Mommy."

"I know, Baby." She said as she hugged her daughter close to her chest and held back the tears she wanted to spill, "I want you to stay with your father, no matter what happens, okay? Can you do that?"

"Uh huh." the sleepy girl said as she was handed to her father.

"Good girl." she said as ran a hand over the girls hair before she kissed Anthony, "I love you."

"I love you too." he said before he kissed her as passionately as he could

She unlocked the door and ran out of the room and down the hall, Hannibal helped her down into the basement as the agents rounded the corner, their hands didn't leave each others as they hurried towards safety, making as much noise as possible.

"Where's Katie?" he asked as he blocked the door.

"With Anthony, they're safe they're already on their way out. What about Mom?"

"She's already waiting for them outside." He paused and watched her silently, "You know what this means."

She didn't answer as she went over to the safe, quickly opening it, and pulled out a gun. Hannibal grabbed her hand as they ran outside, a spot light hit them almost immediately. The Agents surrounded them and orders were shouted, they didn't hear them. Nor did they want to.

Mischa cocked the gun and looked at Hannibal. She lifted her hand and he grabbed it, pulling her to him and pinning the gun between them. Mischa glanced at the forest line where she could see three silhouettes watching them. She blinked away the tears as she looked back at her father.

"Mischa."

"Yes Daddy?"

"I love you. And I'm very, very proud of you."

Her expression went from shock to awe as she smiled a little and forced a small laugh, he had never said that to her before, ever. The gun fired and her blood covered both of them. The agents fired in response and her blood was mixed with his as they both fell to the ground.

Clarice, Anthony, and Katie vanished that night, no one knew where they went, but the agents that were there that night swore they heard a little girl scream when the first shot was fired.

* * *

**Okay, I know. You all hate me.**

**But I had to do it, It was the only proper way to finish this story. The epilogue will be happier, I promise. I'm so sorry, but I felt like it had to be done. I am shaking and on the verge of tears now, because I loved these characters with all my heart.**

**They went out with a bang, just like they should have.**

**Thank you for reading, I am happy to have finally written this much. **

**Thank you again, and I hope I didn't disappoint.**

_We call someone who has lost their mother an orphan, we call a man that has lost his wife a widower. But the one that has know the immense unhappiness of loosing a friend, by what name do we call him? Here every language is silence and holds its tongue in impotence. _

_-Joseph Roux_


	17. Epilogue

**As I Am**

_Epilogue_

Lithuania was cold that time of year, the snow fell steadily down from the sky and scattering in her golden blond hair that fell to her shoulders. She had white earmuffs on that matched her coat and scarf. She wore a pair of jeans and a blue shirt underneath the warm white coat. Her black boots carried her through the snow as she entered the gates to the graveyard.

She walked through the empty yard, following the all too familiar path to her destination. The 11 year olds scarlet eyes didn't glance at the other tombstones, for she already knew what they all said. It was the families graveyard, it dated back many many years. She finally came to the tombstones she was looking for. She knelt before the tombstones and took a deep breath.

_Mischa Nicole Lecter_

_Little Lamb, Who made Thee? Dost Thou know who made Thee?_

She looked over at the one beside it.

_Hannibal and Clarice Lecter_

_Little Lamb, I'll Tell Thee. Little Lamb, I'll Tell Thee._

Katie slowly smiled and placed the two flowers underneath the words. She stood back up and looked around the sun slowly peaking out from the clouds and shining light on the snow covered grounds. She looked up as a car horn blew at the gates. She smiled and ran towards the car, quickly climbing in the back seat hugging her best friend and smiling at the girls mother. She reached up and pushed a piece of hair behind her ear, her golden bracelet shining in the afternoon sunlight.


End file.
